he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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