he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
