hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
