I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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