Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
