you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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