Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
