He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
