Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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