You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My penis needs a shock collar
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
