God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
