i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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