pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
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I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
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He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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