Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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