Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
