You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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