the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
