I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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