The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
