I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize