there's paper in my vomit.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
