I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
