Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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