sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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