And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize