And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
