There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We named our party play list daddy issues
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
