Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
