and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Your penis caused this!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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