sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
