some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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