Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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