I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
