My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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