why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
