If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
How's work?
Spinning.
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WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize