wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
