Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
