I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
