ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
