I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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