You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
