I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
