So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
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Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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