it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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