I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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