My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
im on a boat
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