I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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