what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
