so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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