Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
