Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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