I'm pants shitting drunk right now
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
