Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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