So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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