I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
be right there i have to get my cape
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
