just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize