It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
