The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
