If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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