who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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