That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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