He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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