I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
