Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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