I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
