Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
