so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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