I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
