I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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