im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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