I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
