he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
operation harelip BJ is a go
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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