As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
