DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
