hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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