It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We were destined to go to rehab together
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
