and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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