Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
