So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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