going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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